The
difference between a discussion, a dialogue and an argument is, a discussion is an open exchange of
views, a dialogue is a mutual
exploration of meaning and an argument
is a battle of opinions.
An argument is the
meeting of two closed minds. A discussion
is only possible when we are open to one another’s ideas. A dialogue will only happen when two
parties collaborate to uncover a deeper wisdom and co-create a new
understanding.
In an argument two + two = nothing. In a discussion two + two = four. In a dialogue two + two = four. In a dialogue,
there is much more listening than talking, in a discussion, there is an equal
exchange between friends and in an argument, there is war!
When one argues it means he has an opinion, and at the heart of his
opinion is his belief. When one hears, the belief of the other he argues
back because he is seeing their belief as a threat to him personally, because
he is attached to, and identified with, his belief. So he interpret the
others belief as an attack upon him. Before he knows it he is either
defending or attacking, which means he is creating fear and aggression, which means
he is inflicting suffering upon him self.
Many people come to a conversation ‘armed’ with their opinions, prepared
to defend their beliefs, and ready to do battle. However, there is no use
of argument based on their accepted opinions in pursuit of truth. Everything
has to be verified through deeper inquiry and reasoning before accepting
anything as truth. Only un-contradictable
truth has to be accepted as truth. The
un-contradictable truth is nondual truth.
If one find this hard to do, it is because he believes, he is
right and he wants to prove he is right and others are wrong because when he is
right he is happy! Being right he feels superior and feeling superior is
the best we to avoid the possibility of feeling inferior.
So being right and being happy
have become synonymous. However, it is not true happiness because in the
process of proving his rightness he is tense and even angry that the other is
not ‘getting it’ or is not going to acknowledge that ‘he is right’. The
possibility of losing the argument becomes the possibility of losing
face.
There are those who deliberately look for an argument. They are
spoiling for a fight so that they can justify and satisfy their addiction to
the accompanying emotions i.e. anxiety, anger and perhaps hate. Like hard
drugs, if these emotions are indulged in, they will have to be ‘felt’ every
day. Hence the argumentative attitude some have developed.
It takes courage to accept the truth and reject the accumulated
knowledge. One has to be deeply interested in knowing the ultimate truth or
Brahman and prepared to shift his point of view from form to formless after
deeper self-search. One has to be flexible and acknowledge and humility
to learn to acquire Self-Knowledge. –FORMLESS PATH
