The difference between a discussion, a dialogue and an argument is, a discussion is an open exchange of views, a dialogue is a mutual exploration of meaning and an argument is a battle of opinions.
An argument is the meeting of two closed minds. A discussion is only possible when we are open to one another’s ideas. A dialogue will only happen when two parties collaborate to uncover a deeper wisdom and co-create a new understanding.
In an argument two + two = nothing. In a discussion two + two = four. In a dialogue two + two = four. In a dialogue, there is much more listening than talking, in a discussion, there is an equal exchange between friends and in an argument, there is war!
When one argues it means he has an opinion, and at the heart of his opinion is his belief. When one hears, the belief of the other he argues back because he is seeing their belief as a threat to him personally, because he is attached to, and identified with, his belief. So he interpret the others belief as an attack upon him. Before he knows it he is either defending or attacking, which means he is creating fear and aggression, which means he is inflicting suffering upon him self.
Many people come to a conversation ‘armed’ with their opinions, prepared to defend their beliefs, and ready to do battle. However, there is no use of argument based on their accepted opinions in pursuit of truth. Everything has to be verified through deeper inquiry and reasoning before accepting anything as truth. Only un-contradictable truth has to be accepted as truth. The un-contradictable truth is nondual truth.
If one find this hard to do, it is because he believes, he is right and he wants to prove he is right and others are wrong because when he is right he is happy! Being right he feels superior and feeling superior is the best we to avoid the possibility of feeling inferior. So being right and being happy have become synonymous. However, it is not true happiness because in the process of proving his rightness he is tense and even angry that the other is not ‘getting it’ or is not going to acknowledge that ‘he is right’. The possibility of losing the argument becomes the possibility of losing face.
There are those who deliberately look for an argument. They are spoiling for a fight so that they can justify and satisfy their addiction to the accompanying emotions i.e. anxiety, anger and perhaps hate. Like hard drugs, if these emotions are indulged in, they will have to be ‘felt’ every day. Hence the argumentative attitude some have developed.
